


Red Sky In Morning

by keelywolfe



Series: by any other name [34]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Angst, Gossip, M/M, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Undertale Monsters on the Surface, mention of prostitution, mentions of hospitalization, papcest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 01:55:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16588538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelywolfe/pseuds/keelywolfe
Summary: This is the shit that Red has to deal with, but that’s okay. He’s got this.





	Red Sky In Morning

**Author's Note:**

> This has mean gossip about possible, highly unlikely, prostitution. It’s not graphic by any means, but I would rather overwarn than under. 
> 
> People have asked me what it was that Red did in the past that helped Edge and Stretch get together. Well, this is set in the current timeline, but I think it might help give you an idea...

* * *

Edge liked to think he was right about everything, which Red could have told anyone was a load of bullshit. Not that he would, mind, that wasn’t how this shit worked, but Red had a way of getting his opinion out there, one way or another.

That said, he was right about the fucking cafeteria at the Embassy. The food hovered right around mediocre even on the best of days and it had to be some kind of bad magic that made it so the food never improved. That or the cooks didn’t actually have taste buds, Red had never been curious enough to check.

Red liked to eat there anyway; lotsa monsters were there and with the general chatter and rabble of the place, they weren’t always as careful about what they said. Like they thought somehow that they were hiding what they were saying under all the hullabaloo.

In practice, he didn’t get much more than gossip; who was fucking around on who, who was breaking up, who was moving and where and why, but that was fine. Information was life and Red wanted all he could get.

The general noise wasn’t enough to keep him from hearing. He could hear better already than most monsters, skull acoustics were a wonderful thing and the earpiece he had planted just inside his auditory canal didn’t hurt. Sans had designed that little toy for him, and wasn’t that a fucking chuckle bucket. Sans playing Q to his James Bond, there was an opportunity for role play—

“—in just a sheet!”

Hm. Red gave a discreet side-eye to the table in the corner where a group of interns were sitting. Red didn’t know much about those three, yet, didn’t think they’d been here longer than a week or two. Most Monsters did a year internship at the Embassy when they came of age and those three had the look of childhood friends. He tilted his head a little, trying to catch better than every other word. It was tricky, but once you found the sweet spot, conversations were as plain as if they were whispering dirty wordys into his skull.

“—said his husband carried him to his office. Seriously!” All three of them were laughing, not that Red blamed them. 

He’d had a front row seat to those shenanigans and he knew funny when it bit him on the ass. And he didn’t blame Edge one fucking bit for carting Stretch out of there. Point of fact, there wouldn’t have been a conversation at all once that sheet started to slip if Stretch were his, but eh, Edge had a weakness for the feisty ones. That was all right, Stretch would be a hell of a lot less fun as an obedient little pet but damn it would be nice if he’d listen at least once in a while.

Red shook his head; that line of thinking didn’t work well in this ‘verse. Sure as fuck didn’t work with Sans—

“It’s a shame he didn’t drop the sheet.” One of them laughed. From the size of his antlers, Red figured he was barely out of stripes. Red would have bet every cent he’d won from Edge and Stretch's little round of public foreplay that this kid hadn’t ever seen anyone in a sheet, much less without one. He mentally dubbed him Horny.

“Yeah, too bad,” the other agreed. He got tagged Borny in Red’s head because another name was too much fucking work.

“He’s a skeleton, what’s there to see?” The last one scoffed. That one was from the Bun line, their long ears pressed flat against their head in distaste.

Yeah, that sounded about right. Hilarious as his brother’s jealousy had been, most monsters had been watching for the amusement factor not the possible strip tease. Not many fleshies were in a position to appreciate that Stretch was pretty much the equivalent of a skeletal centerfold. Not that it showed much in hoodies and track pants, but hey, if that was what his bro liked, so be it.

“There has to be something there, I heard skeletons get pretty freaky,” Horny whispered conspiratorially.

It was a challenge not to roll his eye lights. Those two, freaky. Kids these days, they didn’t know the meaning of the word freaky when it came to sex. If you considered being an old married pair of saps freaky, he supposed his bro and Stretch qualified. 

Not that they were sexing it up at the moment; the docs hadn’t let Stretch out of the hospital yet but Red had good money on them cutting him loose by tomorrow, if only so they wouldn’t have to listen to him bitching anymore. It was halfway to a miracle that he hadn’t shortcutted his ass out of there by now, Red would’ve, so maybe he should give the honey bun a little more credit for doing what he was told. A little. 

Meh, seemed like the gossip was shit today if the only Monsters giving it were Horny, Borny, and the Bun. Sounded like a show on Fox. Red stood and stretched, headed for the door, his mind was already halfway to the hospital to spend an hour enjoying watching Stretch verbally take down anyone within hearing distance, but the next words he heard froze him. They’d lowered their voices, but he heard it clear as day through his earpiece. 

“From what I heard, back in Snowdin, he’d blow you for a pack of cigarettes.”

Horny sat back proudly after sharing that tidbit, though neither of his friends seemed appreciative. Borny was fidgeting with his fork, awkwardly uncertain, and The Bun looked flat out appalled. But he had their attention and Horny preened beneath it.

“Aw, c'mon, stop,” Borny protested weakly.

“Seriously!” Horny insisted, “Bet that would be something to see. Plus, it would shut him up for once.”

The Bun gave their friend an angry shove, “Knock it off, that isn’t funny. I like Stretch. He’s really nice to my little cousin.”

“Bet he’d be real nice on his knees too—"

“hey, kiddos.” Red said pleasantly. Little known fact, shortcuts could be completely silent, if you put in the extra effort. All three of them startled, paled. Ah, now see? That was the benefit of a reputation. 

“Red, I was…it was only a joke—" Horny stammered. Wellie, well, well, someone wasn’t happy with the attention now, Red thought with cold humor. He slung an arm over the kid’s shoulder and gave him a little shake.

“well, see, then it’s good that i’m the one who heard you, cause i’ve got a great sense of humor. my brother, though,” Red shook his head mournfully. “he doesn’t think this shit is very funny.”

Red tightened his arm around Horny’s shoulder, thumb pressed down discreetly on his collarbone. It wouldn’t take much pressure to break it, he knew, and even before that, the pain was exquisite. To his credit, Horny bit back a whimper and took it. Maybe the little shit wasn’t completely unredeemable. 

“I’m sorry,” Red looked up in surprise at The Bun. Their furry face was miserable with guilt. “I was trying to get him to stop, I should have tried harder.”

“nah,” Red grinned at them. “you can only watch your own words.” Good on them for owning it, though. Red looked at them appraisingly. “huh. i know you. your aunt is my bro’s secretary.” Might need to keep his eye on this one; Janice was a brutally efficient secretary and had the rare gift of actually being capable of keeping up with his bro. She was handling his work while he was out and there had barely been a blip in the radar. Hell, the lackeys were more afraid of her than they were Edge. If it ran in the family, this one could be useful.

They nodded, ears bobbing, “Aunt Janice doesn’t talk about work much, but her son loves Stretch. He still has the skeleton mask Stretch made for him.”

Yeah, that was the Stretch he liked to hear about. Red didn’t know exactly what had happened back in the good old Snowdin days. Wasn’t like he’d been in much of a cheery frame of mind himself. But whatever it was, it could stay there and fucking dust, and if it were true, no one needed some snot-nose little shit drudging it back up. 

“i bet he’d be real thrilled to hear that,” Red told the Bun. “anyway, i’ll let you get back to your lunch.” He let up on Horny’s collarbone and gave him just enough time to sigh in shaky relief before tapped the kid on the underside of the chin with a sharp fingertip. “lunch hour is almost over, better eat up. probably a good idea for you to find something else to do with your mouth…or i’ll do it for you.”

The last said through his teeth, too soft for anyone else to hear. Horny was fucking lucky they were at the Embassy with too many damn witnesses. As it was, Red was barely resisting the temptation to make the kid piss himself. This lesson better stick the first time because next time, all bets were off. Talking shit about Red’s people was bad for life expectancy.

He barely gave Horny a chance to nod frantically before giving them his back with an idle wave, slouching out of the cafeteria. Time to see if that kid was talking out of his ass or if that was an actual rumor that was floating around, before his bro heard it and dust started flying. Good thing Stretch was still in the hospital, that gave him a little time to work. But first.

He dug out his phone, fingers clicking against the screen as he checked what department Horny was interning in. Kid might have too much free time on his hands. 

Well, wouldja lookie look at that. 

Red’s grin widened when he saw it was legal, which meant he worked for Antwan. 

Oh, yeah, this was going to be fun.

-finis-


End file.
